For this reason, people in Arab and collectivist societies go to great lengths to receive positive affirmation and approval from members of their community, particularly their families, which strengthens their self-esteem or psychological well-being. In turn, the self makes many unconscious efforts to protect itself from perceived and unconsciously triggered attacks and aggression from others, and to avoid negative judgements that bring with them shame, embarrassment and a loss of dignity in the eyes of others.

The most difficult challenge: in collectivist cultures and societies, society judges the individual not only on the basis of their personal and individual behaviour or achievements, but also on the basis of the behaviour or achievements of those close to them.

This is the essence of collectivist cultures and societies, including Arab societies, and herein lies the most difficult challenge that parents and children attempt to overcome during childhood and the upbringing process.

Society’s judgement of an individual is not merely a reaction to their individual or personal behaviour, but also a reaction to the behaviour of every member of their family: first the immediate family, then the extended family, then acquaintances and friends, relatives and so on. This is why these societies are described as ‘collectivist’ – not because of the individual’s strong ties to their family, but because society treats the individual as part of a ‘group’.

For this reason, people in Arab and collectivist societies and cultures live in constant fear of losing their social and personal standing if they, or a member of their family, behave in a way that might bring shame, embarrassment or loss of face upon them in the eyes of others. As the saying goes: ‘Don’t air your dirty laundry in public’, which means that one should conceal one’s problems and those of one’s family from others in order to avoid their judgement.

– Is this linked to a parenting style characterised by control and monitoring of family members’ behaviour, particularly that of women?

The influence of society and culture on parenting and child-rearing

Parents in Arab and collectivist cultures bring up their children within this framework. If a child behaves in a certain way or displays abilities (particularly academic achievement) that bring their parents praise, recognition, affirmation, positive appreciation, pride and the like, the child clearly wins their parents’ approval and receives many benefits and rewards that boost their self-esteem. However, if the child behaves in a way or displays abilities that might bring shame, embarrassment, humiliation, insults or other negative judgements upon their parents, the child must expect harsh reactions from their parents, such as physical punishment, scolding, shouting and, in particular, the withdrawal of love, attention and positive support – which can sometimes last for days or even longer and is considered one of the most significant factors in the development of depression and severe anxiety.

The parents’ contradictory behaviour has a significant impact on the child’s self-development and psychological structure.

Therefore, our website and our new theory are not intended to place blame on parents. In psychoanalytic and psychodynamic psychotherapy, we emphasise that all people have strengths and weaknesses. This also applies to parents.

On the other hand, parents play a key role in shaping and refining a person’s personality during the early years of life, when their relationship with society has not yet been established. We therefore view self-development as a dynamic relationship between the child and their parents, as well as between the parents and society, in the course of which many challenges and conflicts must be overcome. For example, a child who has to deal with a sad mother who never laughs or smiles may adapt in such a way that they develop caring and attentive behaviour towards others, whilst neglecting their own needs. As they grow up, they will unconsciously maintain this behaviour and may repeatedly feel that nobody cares about them. Or, if the community around us is very envious, we will inevitably be afraid to reveal our problems to them.

The significance and role of psychodynamic and psychoanalytic psychotherapy

The analytical psychotherapist understands this behaviour and how it came about. We do not blame the parents. What is important to us in analytical psychotherapy is that the individual learns to accept their parents with their weaknesses and strengths; in other words: what brings them strength, happiness, pride, etc., and what sometimes makes life difficult for them.

Analytical psychology can provide us with many explanations for phenomena that are widespread in Arab and collectivist cultures and which have been highlighted in numerous intercultural and other psychological studies, such as:

1. Why do people in collectivist societies have a psychological need to remain connected to their families throughout their lives?
2. What role do parents and family ties play in mental well-being and self-esteem? Is this bond or connection merely a ‘duty’ – that is, a debt to be repaid because they are frail in old age and need help – or are there other reasons that make ‘parental approval’ one of the most important factors or elements contributing to maintaining overall self-esteem?
3. What experiences do we have during our childhood in Arab and collectivist societies, and how do parents instil in their children a psychological bond with them and a desire to please them, thereby making this one of the most important elements that bring a person happiness and a sense of security?
4. People in collectivist and Arab societies tend to boast about their achievements, the successes of their children or relatives, or those of people close to them; in other words, they flaunt their possessions (such as a large house or an expensive car) in front of others in order to gain their esteem, respect and recognition of their high self-worth.
5. Why do people need all these symbols to maintain a sense of balance regarding themselves and their worth? What happens to people when society fails to show them the appreciation and recognition commensurate with their achievements and other things of which they are proud?
6. Why do people in Arab and collectivist societies attach such great importance to outward appearances, dignity, self-worth and honour? On the other hand, we feel inadequate, as though we are lagging behind the world and progress, and perceive ourselves as worthless.
   When people in Arab and collectivist societies meet and interact with one another, they display certain behaviours characterised by expressions of praise, recognition and appreciation of the value and significance of others to the individual. There is a tendency to exaggerate the value or influence of others, which creates a sense of grandeur and importance.

It is also important to ask why this custom is so widespread in our societies and what unconscious psychological triggers bring about this behaviour.

1. Why do people in Arab and collectivist societies in general tend to mistrust others and view their intentions and goals with scepticism?
   Some cross-cultural studies show that people in collectivist cultures lack stable social values (superego). An individual’s behaviour towards their family, elders and ‘respected’ figures differs from their behaviour when these people are absent and they are not being observed. This explains, for example, the littering of rubbish in public places, the damage to public property, sexual harassment, etc.
2. What happens, and what experiences in childhood lead people to behave in this dual manner without feeling remorse – a feeling that helps to control individual behaviour and bring it into line with society’s values, which in turn has a positive effect on the social system as a whole?
   In collectivist societies and cultures, people tend to shirk responsibility for the consequences of their behaviour or their mistakes. What is even stranger is that anyone who points out another person’s mistake or oversight is regarded as behaving inappropriately. For example, we say: ‘The bus or train cut me off’ (whereas in Germany, for instance, one would say: ‘I missed the bus or train’). If someone borrows a certain amount of money from me and promises to pay it back after a week, and I bring it up or insist that they keep their promise, I become the villain in this situation, even though the mistake or negligence did not originate with me. In this case, I may also be treated rudely by the other person.
3. Why are Arabs or people in collectivist societies afraid of taking responsibility for their mistakes?
4. Why can’t people in collectivist societies tolerate criticism, and why does criticism trigger such anger and violence?
   People in Arab and collectivist societies tend to believe in non-human forces or sources of power that have a profound influence on their lives, their behaviour, their productivity and their relationships, such as fate, various divine forces characterised by goodness, or, conversely, evil forces such as the devil, the devil’s whisperer and so on.
5. Are there psychological or unconscious reasons why people need these forces in their lives, and what experiences do we have in childhood that make these forces important or psychologically significant in our lives?
6. People in Arab societies tend to exaggerate their own importance, whilst at the same time feeling inadequate and envious of others. What experiences do we have as children that give rise to this contradiction within us?
7. Violence is widespread in Arab and collectivist societies. In these societies, the strong dominate the weak, starting as early as childhood. Sexual repression prevails, giving rise to many sexual disorders and is also linked to the intense jealousy that is widespread in society. There is a need for racism and the denigration of some people, whilst others are unrealistically elevated. How does this contradiction develop and how does it manifest itself in our behaviour and personality?